


Dear Vilde

by notanugget



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Epistolary, F/F, ice cream parlour, kinda cheesy, they are the cutest girlfriends, wlw fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-19 04:08:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13696575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notanugget/pseuds/notanugget
Summary: It's Evilde's one year anniversary and Eva decides to write Vilde a letter about the place where they fell in love.





	Dear Vilde

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hippopotamus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hippopotamus/gifts).



> This is for the Secret Adrmirer thingy in Skam International and I was so excited when I got Rino but also so nervous because I wanted to do something amazing for them. I'm so happy with how this turned out and I hope you like it Rino,  
>  ily<3 
> 
> also thanks to my beta, Sue aka Julieseven, without you this would be a mess, thank you for helping me when I can't english, you're the best.

Dear Vilde, 

Since we met each other we have gone to eat ice cream together countless times now, and I smile every time I picture you sitting on the bench outside the ice cream parlor just around the corner of Nissen, smiling and sometimes shivering because you still want to go even though it’s freezing and we have to use layers of clothes and wrap our arms around each other to not die from the cold. You probably don’t know why I’m talking about ice cream but for me, to understand our relationship, our love, you need to go to there, buy an ice cream and sit on that bench where so much has happened, where we have grown and where we fell in love.

So today is our one year anniversary, yay! And I know how much you like letters, because you’re cheesy like that and I’m obviously writing you one right now because I love you like that. This one is going to be a long one though (and it’s gonna be sappy), so you better strap in and go get a cup of tea or something. I’m going to tell you about some of the times we went to get ice cream and sat on that bench, about how I felt and what was going through my mind, because even if they weren’t all happy and lighthearted, they were important and when I look back to them and compare them to where we are now, my heart gets filled with sparkles and my smile can’t be contained (I warned you this was gonna get sappy).

 

I remember the first time we went to that parlour as if it was yesterday (ugh that sounds so lame). You started it all and of course you did because I didn’t know how much I loved ice cream until you asked me if we could talk and to be honest you looked a little bit out of it, and when I said yes you took me to that place that would become so important for us. That day you started something we both had no idea what it was going to evolve into, at the time we weren’t able to see the beautiful flower that was hiding inside the bottom in which “you and I” was encapsulated, we couldn’t have know because that time it was the triple-S time. I don’t think I’ve ever told you about the triple-S thing but since I noticed the importance of those ice cream trips I decided to baptize that one like that because it was Sad, Straight and Sober, and none of the other times that came later have ever been classified in those three again, fortunately. 

It was sober because we were sober, obviously, and it was straight because neither of us was conscious and sure of our feelings towards girls. I was wrapped up in my love for Jonas, blind to the truth about my sexuality because I’d never felt the urge to come to terms with it during any time of my life, and it was fine, until it wasn’t anymore because I wasn’t happy like I used to be with Jonas. I loved him with my whole heart, just like I told you that day, but deep down I knew that our love was not destined to last much longer, our relationship being slowly burned out by the fire of lies and jealousy. I still love him to this day, but it’s different now, and you know that better than anyone, maybe except him, because he feels the same. And you, well you were inside this shell of denial that we were both ignorant about, and I wish I could’ve noticed earlier, I wish I could’ve broke it down and let you out, let you breathe out the air that you’ve been holding since forever. It was different for you and I, you were so trapped and you were so manipulated by the way society had molded you to believe what was right and what was wrong, I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything earlier. I’m sorry I was so lost inside my own head that day that I didn’t realize that what you were going through was so much more than a stupid breakup because William didn’t call you back. I wish I could’ve explained about your false hope and you’re insecurities and I wish more than anything that I could’ve saved you from that asshole. But in a way, I guess I did, even if it was not at that moment. I don’t think I need to say why it was sad anymore.

I remember thinking it was weird that I’d never gone to that ice cream parlor since it was so close to Nissen and I remember trying to lighten up the mood by making fun of your flavor choice by calling it basic and you were fast to give back a remark about how I wasn’t in a position to judge anyone as “basic” when I spend most of my free time binge watching “Keeping up with the Kardashians.” I remember thinking that you were so different from everyone I’ve known before, because you had no filter and even if that sometimes has caused trouble between us, it still is a quality that I will always find fascinating. It’s not everyday that you get to meet someone so genuine, and I think since then I knew that you were something special. But seriously, vanilla? Are you kidding me, Vilde? And no, I will never get over it, that’s so basic.

You must remember that we talked about boys (ugh), you asked me about Jonas, how could I be so sure that I was in love with him? What was love supposed to feel like? How did I make Jonas love me back? And with each question you asked, I could hear little cracks in my heart because the look in your eyes was so confused and pleading. In a way you were looking for answers that I wasn’t able to give. But you weren’t really scared, not like that other time, you weren’t angry either. You just wanted to know, you wanted to feel like you had control and control means knowing, control means being above the whole situation but you were being eaten alive, and it was happening in the worst possible way, because you weren’t even aware what the real problem was.   
I tried, I really did and you know that if I had the chance to change anything, I would’ve tried harder. It’s just that at that moment I didn’t know and in a way you didn’t know either. We were both so young and so stupid and so lost. You were so pretty, too.

 

The second time I don’t remember very clearly, but I wish I did because I now know that you needed me in that moment. But i was so drunk, not even funny drunk just plain black out drunk. It was that day of the awful Penetrators money raising party, and that day would’ve been the worst for me if it wasn’t for you and I like to think that I helped for yours to not be the worst either. I was so heartbroken and bitter because even though I knew how bad things had already gotten between me and Jonas and I knew that breaking up was the best option, it still hurt seeing him move on, so I drank and and I kept drinking all night. The one good thing that came from me being drunk was how insanely brave (and horny) I got. I was feeling lonely and down, so I needed to act like I was on top of the world, and apparently the only thing that I wanted to do while I was on top of the world was to kiss you. It was a nice kiss, it was an amazing kiss to be honest, I’m happy that we shared that even though I was so drunk and you were probably kind of drunk too, just slightly less. I remember you helping me while I was vomiting and you took me to get some ice cream. I don’t think I will ever thank you enough about that, you took care of me even though everything that was going on. 

I say I don’t remember much and it’s true, but I do remember very clearly wanting to kiss you again, but being unsure about it because I knew I had just barfed and I didn’t want you to be disgusted. I also remember that you told me that you were concerned about Noora, I was really confused about it at the moment but I wasn’t in the right mindset to explore further into it. I just wanted ice cream. I now know what happened and I wish I could’ve heard you out, helped you get your thoughts straight (or gay haha, get it?), I wish I hadn’t been that drunk and maybe then we would’ve been able to figure out everything that was happening together. Instead you took care of me and gave me ice cream so I could calm down. Have I told you how much I love you?

When we bought our ice creams you obviously got vainilla (lame) and I picked a random flavor that now no one remembers, I’ve asked you about it and apparently I went on a detailed explanation about how I was never gonna pick a flavor I already had picked whenever we came to eat ice cream because I wanted to experience a new flavor every time (I’ve been forced to repeat a lot now, they aren’t enough for all the times we go get ice cream because my girlfriend is an addict) and you would always be able to take a scoop because you were so nice and pretty, I don’t really remember saying that but you told me I did and I believe you because I’m pretty sure that was what I was really feeling in that moment. 

I also remember something that you still, to this day, deny that happened. I remember a kiss, just after you tucked me into bed and told me you were heading home. I remember your lips on mine for just a little second and then you were gone, I’m so sure of it because I remember smiling into the pillow thinking about how you’d kissed me even though I had thrown up barely an hour before, and then I realized I didn’t needed to act as if I was on top of the world anymore, because on that moment, still drunk and barely awake, it really felt like I was.

 

The next time we went to get ice cream together was the only one that gets close to the triple-S again, and to be honest, it was way sadder than the first one and angrier and scarier and just overall a big mess. I was tempted not to talk about this one in this letter because I only want cute and beautiful memories, but that’s not the only thing our story is composed of, we need the sad and scary moments that we endured to change into what we are now, those moments that gave us the strength to become our best selves and what the fuck why am I turning into a motivational speaker, no but for real. 

I asked you to go for ice cream with me and I was so nervous, I had spend the whole night before thinking about what you were going to say and what was going to happen, I let the scenarios play and replay inside my head, involuntarily guiding them to a happy ending, hoping with every part of my being for everything to turn out the way I wanted. It obviously didn’t, but it did help calm my nerves a little, at least during the night. The next day I was dying. I though the first step was going to be convincing you to accept my invitation and it turned out I was wrong, the first step actually was finding you and catching up with your amazing evasion skills. When I finally found you, you agreed when I told you where we were going, I think it was partly because of the ice cream but maybe a bigger part because you remembered the last time we’ve been there and what happened that night, the good (gay) parts at least, and something deep inside you pulled you like a magnet.

Still, I should have known. I should’ve realized when I wasn’t able to find you anywhere and I should’ve realized when I noticed your fidgeting and quietness on the way there and I should’ve realized when your voice cracked while you ordered your vanilla ice cream, I should’ve realized but I didn’t, and I’m sorry. 

We stayed there for less than ten minutes, you didn’t even finish your vanilla ice cream. I tried to talk about us and “us” was such a scary concept to you that you had to get up and leave. First you tried to change the subject, talk about kittens and I was like “oh my god Vilde for once in my life I don’t want to talk about kittens I want to talk about us”. I’m sorry I pressured you, I shouldn’t have but I didn’t know better, I was scared too, I wanted to feel like I was not alone in what felt like an isolated bubble that was almost filled to its capacity. I wanted you with me, because maybe that way, being submerged in whatever feeling was surrounding me wasn’t going to be as nerve wracking as it felt by myself. You couldn’t handle it and I don’t blame you, i understand completely and i wish I would’ve understood back then, so maybe I could’ve helped you. But instead I just sat there, helpless as I saw your untouched vanilla ice cream slowly melting.

I’ve realized now that this is becoming a type of sorry-for-the-things-I-didn’t-do letter, but I promise you I’m done with that now, and it even isn’t like that at all, because yeah, i would’ve loved to helped you with everything that you went through and be a constant support during the realization of who you really were and the acceptance of everything about you (and I hope I do it now as much as I can) but really thinking about it, I wouldn’t have changed anything about our story, because it’s ours, it belongs to Vilde and Eva, you and I, to only us. 

 

And talking about things that belong only to us, I have to talk about the fourth time we went to eat ice cream together, because it was the most personal and fun, it will always be my favorite. It’s the farthest you can get from triple-S, we were both so drunk and so happy and you surprised me being so gay, it’s one of my favorite memories ever. It was our turning point, the day in which we both, with help of a lot of alcohol, were able to leave our fears behind and take the final step into what would become our forever. This is so cheesy, wow.

We stumbled into the ice cream parlour at around 2 am (thank god for 24 hours ice cream shops, I didn’t even know that was a thing???), we were both so fucking drunk and we had just escaped from a probably boring party where neither of us wanted to be. We were a giggly mess while we ordered and when we finally sat down to eat our ice cream I could feel my head still spinning. I usually don’t remember what flavor of ice cream I get, because I kept my promise of picking a different one every time, but that occasion I remember I picked cherry because apparently drunk-you loves it and you kept opening your mouth for me to give you a one scoop after another and you were so happy that I couldn’t have minded less that you were finishing my ice cream. 

It’s like I knew something was happening but I couldn’t explain exactly what, an unknown certainty kept flowing all around us, wrapping us into a safe place that only we could understand, everything around us disappeared, or rather it just lost importance. I think you felt it too because you didn’t hold back like you normally did, you didn’t stop your hand when it reached for mine and you didn’t refrain from getting closer every time we laughed at something stupid. And we could see it in our eyes, the way we looked at each other as if we were both aware of our options but didn’t care, because it seemed nearly impossible to not gravitate towards one another. 

You kissed me first. Right after the corniest line I’ve ever heard, but still to this day remembering it makes my heart so warm and my stomach flutter. I’ve probably told you this but all night long I’d been thinking about kissing you, and it hurt having you so close and not being able to do it, it was as if maintaining myself in line required all my attention, and having you so close and a whole lot of alcohol in my system wasn’t really helping. However, I didn’t do it, because I didn’t wanted you to feel pressured, I wanted you to feel safe, to feel comfortable enough that you could give the first step. And you did. I said “I wish I could kiss you” and after a short moment in which you bit your lip and inhaled deeply, you answered “you can, whenever you want, I’m done stopping this, and as if you didn’t know that kissing you is all I think about” and you kissed me. You tasted like cherry ice cream with a hint of beer, it was the best thing I’ve ever tasted, every time I kiss you it still is. You took me home that night and we kissed and cuddled in our drunk haze. After that we’ve only gone to get ice cream as girlfriends and I don’t think I’ve ever been happier.

 

Now that ice cream parlor holds so many memories and whenever I go I feel so filled with happiness. I’m sitting right here now writing this, and it feels weird being here without you, not gonna lie, it’s like something’s missing. But I look up and around me and I can see you everywhere, you are in everything. I remember all the times we brought the girls here, like right before meeting Sana’s brother or to one of our many “Russ buss meetings”, how much we’ve laughed and how we’ve talked about everything and nothing, I’m so happy you’re my girlfriend and one of my best friends, and that we’ve built this beautiful family with all of our friends, my girls. 

And if we’re talking about our friends I need to mention the time where you dragged Isak and Even into a double ice cream date with us and Isak had to act as if he was grumpy when I know deep down he was enjoying it (and even if you don’t always feel like, I know he likes you and appreciate you). You could see so clearly the smiles he was trying to hide and by the end of the “date” Even had him giggling. God, are those two boys in love, if it wasn’t for us I think Evak would be my favorite couple. 

But it’s mostly memories about us, about kissing and laughing and sharing ice cream and being so happy with each other. And it’s true, you are in everything, I can’t even look up without remembering something, for example, that time when I felt like it was impossible to fall more in love with you but then you saw that little boy that had just dropped his ice cream and without even thinking about it, you took the ice cream you’ve just barely tasted, and offered it to him, you went on talking to him to calm him down and I remember looking at you and thinking, what did I do to deserve this girl? Because you’re so kind even though life has not been kind to you, and I’ve seen you grown and learn and become a better person with each passing day, and I’m proud and happy to be the person you choose.

And I think I gotta stop now because this is already long enough and i don’t want you to spend all day reading. I love you so much, baby. I’m so happy to have you in my life, you’ve been there for me like no one ever has and I am a better person now because of you. And you’re so fucking pretty, like seriously, I’m so gay for you. I want to kiss you right now. I’m just gonna wrap this up so I can go kiss you now. So I hope you like this, I know it’s cheesy and long, but today I wanted to remind you of how much I love you and how important our story is for me. Happy one year anniversary, Vilde, I love you.

Your baby, Eva.

 

 

 

Dear Eva, 

You have no idea how happy you make me, that letter was… everything and I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. So I’m not the best at explaining how I feel and you know that, it’s like all the things I’m feelings are cords of earphones and my head is the pocket where they get all tangled up (not very poetic I know BUT WAIT). I felt so bad because you made me that beautiful letter and I didn’t know how to answer (and YES I HAVE TO ANSWER YOU EVEN IF YOU SAY I DON’T), but I decided to do something that I like and can show how I feel about you, or well, as close as you can get when you put it into words.

In your letter you said I was everything that was around you, and in my head I was like “that is literally how I feel about her” so I took that and wrote you something, I hope you like it, baby.

 

You are everything and everything is you.  
You are the taste of tangerine juice dissolving on my tongue,  
You are the fresh air that hits my cheekbones and travels down my lungs,  
You are the curve on the edges of my mouth as your memory crosses my mind,  
You are the moon that shines over my loose strands of blonde hair,  
You are the calm that settles my excitement whenever I look at myself on the mirror.  
You are in everything  
And everything is you.  
You have Christmas lights behind your eyes, as if trying to hide but the brightness leaks,  
You have strawberry jam pumping through your veins, and although I try to keep myself in line, my whole body aches for a taste,  
You have exploding firecrackers in your stomach and they’re dangerous, but you don’t seem to mind,  
You have spiders crawling up and down your body, still you let them roam free, cause they are not you,  
You have constellations of love over each layer of your body, placing themselves so you can feel them all.  
Everything is you and you are everything.

 

Happy one year anniversary (even though it was yesterday), I love you so so so so so so much,

Vilde


End file.
